My Button Blanket

One evening when I was working on my button blanket, I was redoing some of the buttons that I had already sewn on. They were a little out of line. Not quite perfect…. I was told that some people will come to inspect my blanket right down to the exact detail. So, I needed to correct some buttons. I left on the first button and sewed on the last button of the row. Then, I could line up all the middle buttons into a perfectly straight line. At the end of my work and corrections, I had an exact and perfectly spaced button blanket that could meet the battle from any critical eye. And…. then I cried. I realized that maybe my button blanket was perfect just the way it was. It was perfect because it was not perfect. My "real" button blanket was not exactly perfect down to the finest detail. My real blanket was "me". Sometimes, we focus on being perfect as a way of protecting our hearts from being judged, criticized, and condemned by others according to their perfect rules, roles, and expectations that they have of others but can not live up to for themselves. Maybe perfect is not being perfect. Maybe, perfect is being "real"…. With all the love, and strength, and honour, and meaning, and worth, and joy that I put into my blanket. My button blanket was perfect to "me"….

I tam ma to ta tsi sinaan
May you walk in peace
until we meet again….

Beginning of a New Day
Hosanna Waa ksis to akii
July 21, 2000