There is Always Something Wrong with Me!....

There is always something wrong with me!….
As a little one, I was raped
But now, I am told that there is something wrong with me.

As a little one, I was hated for who I am,
But now, I am told that there is something wrong with me.

I was burnt and beaten and told that I will be going to hell,
But now, I am told that there is something wrong with me.

My ankles and feet were broken
then they blamed me for running away,
But now, I am told that there is something wrong with me.

I was stabbed and my knees were broken
I could not get up to leave…. I almost died,
But now, I am told that there is something wrong with me.

"There is always something wrong with me!"…

I go to school and I am told that….
there has "got" to be something wrong with me.

Every time I stand up for "me" …
there is always something wrong with me.

When I am "Indian" and I refuse to suck up or back down
there is always something wrong with me.

When I speak my truth and stand strong
for who and what I love and believe in
there is always something wrong with me.

I have spent decades having to work hard to heal
from all their cruelty and hate yet….
there is always something wrong with me.

I have done my homework; my healing is done,
But, they always "need" to have something wrong with me

Even though I am not the one who raped, or stabbed, or burnt,
I never even broke my own bones -
But, they always "need" to have something wrong with me.

May be….
With all their arrogant attitudes, intellect, diagnostic labels, and assumptions….
Just may be….
Just may be… …..there is nothing wrong with me?

I cry, and I love, and I feel shame, and I hurt. I really miss my loved ones, and I still love and believe in them and me. Sometimes, I get homesick. I love the rain and I love to work with the horses and I love to walk on the tenderness of the moist forest floor. I love to smell birch wood burning in the woodstove and I love to hear the laughter of my children and I love to come into my snuggly warm home with the fireplace burning and the smell of supper simmering on the back of the stove after freezing my butt off from digging my truck out of another snow drift, and I love to stick my cold hands down my little one's necks to make them giggle and squirm, and may be…. just may be ,,,,,

There is nothing wrong with me!…..

I tam ma to ta tsi sinaan,
May you walk in peace
until we meet again

Beginning of a New Day
Hosanna Waa ksis to akii
September 16, 2003